In a world with so many uncertainties,
the offer of a guaranteed income would have most people
clamouring to know more. No, medicine doesn't promise
good work hours and it's not interesting and stimulating
all the time. But I think the fact that doctors
are generally well-compensated for their time, with
just about the best job security you can get, is one
of the main reasons thousands of students apply to medical
schools each year. While I don't think anyone would
ever even hint at money during an interview, I can't
see how the perk is not lurking somewhere in the back
of the minds of doctor hopefuls.
By the time I'm out in the workplace
as a full-fledged physician, I will have spent more
time in post-secondary education than most people will
have spent in school, period. I like school and I still
wouldn't rather be doing anything else — or at
least I've convinced myself of that — but there
are times when I can't help but wonder what my life
would be like if I'd gone down a different career path.
DECISIONS,
DECISIONS
I always felt a weight on my shoulders during course
selection in undergrad. I wanted to be fluent in a second
language, French or German perhaps. Despite having audited
the courses during add/drop period every year, I always
ended up dropping them because I wasn't convinced that
I could pull off an A. It was the same with philosophy
and history courses. I ended up choosing a safe-sounding
program, microbiology, and managed to obtain a GPA that
landed me in the interview pile instead of the recycling
bin for med school. But for someone who's been through
four years of microbiology, I feel I have little to
show for it. Now I think it was all part of the game
— a hoop I had to jump through to get to where
I am now.
A bunch of my friends — and
even my kid brother — are travelling overseas,
roaming through Europe and China for months on end.
I've always wanted to do that, live abroad for a year
or two — you know, work and see the world at the
same time. During undergrad my girlfriend and I made
tentative plans to do just that. But in the end I couldn't
bring myself to take a year off because getting into
medicine the first time was already so difficult. I
knew that if I didn't accept the invitation that year,
I was running the risk of not getting in in the future.
Though I'm not yet thirty I sometimes
wonder if it's too late for me. Most of my high school
friends are already married. Even my swinging single
friends from undergrad are settling down. If I weren't
in medicine, would I have kids by now? The medical school
I was accepted to was in a smaller city in my home province,
far from my girlfriend's family and friends. I was going
to fulfil my dream, my family was there, and I would
have a new social network, while she would only be going
for me. It would have been hard. In the end, it made
more sense for her to stay, and because of the distance
we drifted apart.
FEELING
PIGEONHOLED
Even now I'm in medicine, the tough choices haven't
gone away. I've chosen to apply to pediatrics and internal
medicine and as a result, I feel compelled to limit
my electives to only those areas. I would love to try
out radiation oncology, or get my feet wet in plastic
surgery, but because the specialties are so competitive,
I wouldn't get an interview for the program unless I
showed a "genuine interest." Sometimes I feel as if
medicine is getting in the way of my medical education.
Sitting here as a senior medical
student, thinking back on my journey to this point and
looking ahead, I'm still awed and excited by medicine.
At the same time, at least for me, it has demanded quite
a lot. And when I'm down in the dumps, when I'm unable
to take sick leave because I want a good reference letter,
when I'm faced with my tenth "weak and dizzy" patient
of the day, or when my pager beeps just as I'm drifting
off to sleep, I try to remember that, at the very least,
I'll have good job security and a decent paycheque for
my troubles.
Look for Dr Paul Coolican's
"Diary of a rural physician" in the next issue
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