Imagine being on an internet chat room, let's say for
gardening enthusiasts, and suddenly you receive a message
asking "wanna cyber?" Well, for many people the response
to such a proposition would be "sure, why not." But most
would likely wonder "what exactly is this person asking
me?" Cybering, or cybersex, is an exchange of sexually
explicit messages through the internet, often while masturbating.
It's usually done on chat rooms or with Instant Messaging
(IM) software. Because of the anonymity afforded by the
internet, not to mention the abundance of like minded
people to contact, cybersex can be a relatively safe escapist
outlet. However, experts are finding that the very anonymity
and accessibility that gives cybering its appeal can be
a potently addictive mix for a vulnerable minority.
Cybersex addicts often feel the
need to spend untold hours in front of a computer screen
— this can cost them their jobs, their marriages,
their lives. Despite all this, the psychiatric establishment
has been slow to respond to this burgeoning problem;
The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) still
lumps cybersex addiction into the category of "sexual
disorder not otherwise specified."
TIME
TO FACE FACTS
Dr George McDermott, General Practitioner and Addictions
Specialist, feels it's still hard for us to wrap our
heads around the cybersex phenomenon. "We're in a lot
of denial. We don't know how to make sense of it," he
says. "There appears to be wide acceptance for alcohol
and drug addiction, but people find female masturbation
hard to talk about." A cybersex addict at Sex Addicts
Anonymous (SAA) concurs saying "it is more taboo with
sexual addictions, because it is associated with deviant
behaviour, pedophiles."
The DSM-IV currently only recognizes
what it calls "out of control sexual behaviours" involving
paraphilias such as pedophilia, exhibitionism, fetishism,
masochism and voyeurism. All other compulsive sexual
behaviours — including cybersex and internet pornography
addiction — get stamped with that clearinghouse
label of "sexual disorder not otherwise specified."
Speaking at the Society for the
Advancement of Sexual Health's 2004 conference, Dr Charles
Parker said that sexual addiction — which he calls
"Syndrome X" — was excluded from the DSM-IV because
there was "no scientific data to support a concept of
sexual behaviour that can be considered addictive. It'll
be tough to collect the empirical data required to scientifically
validate the existence of cybersex addiction as an out
of control sexual behaviour."
STIGMA
STALLS STUDIES
Psychiatrist Dr Reid Finlayson of Vanderbilt University
led a landmark study looking at the relationship between
brain chemistry and addiction that might've helped us
understand cybersex. "I wanted to demonstrate the brain
change between addicts and non-addicts," he says. The
first phase of the project aimed to develop a Functional
Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) map of the regions
of the brain that are activated during sexual arousal.
But the project came to a grinding
halt because he couldn't drum up enough study subjects.
"You'd think it would be quite easy to find participants,
but we had ethical problems with asking people to take
part. Even more difficult was trying to get corporate
funding," says Dr Finlayson.
Despite the fact that solid scientific
evidence has yet to be collected, many doctors and therapists
are convinced that cybersex can be addictive. Psychiatrist
Dr Jennifer Schneider, author of Cybersex Exposed:
Simple Fantasy or Obsession, goes so far as to call
cybersex the "crack cocaine" of addictive sexual behaviours.
"Crack cocaine is a form of cocaine that's inexpensive,
easy to obtain and the way it works in the body is extremely
powerful," she says. "So people who before might not
have been addicted became so. That's what happened with
sex addiction. People who were not addicted before,
but who were vulnerable because of childhood issues
or stress or whatever, got hooked."
THE
INTERNET CURTAIN
"Cybersex is affordable, private and it normalizes deviant
behaviour," says Dr Schneider. And that's what makes
it so different from other forms of sex addiction. A
new documentary called O.com: Cybersex Addiction
humanizes the condition. It features Nicole, a 35-year-old
single mother who stumbled upon cybersex by accident
while browsing chat rooms. Before long, she was spending
her days and nights in front of the computer, even at
the expense of spending time with her son.
"The internet is changing who we
are, our sexuality, and how we interact with each other,
yet we don't talk about it. It's hard to talk about
it," says O.Com director Melanie Wood.
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