Medical marriages have enough strains on them without
the added worries caused by money. O would that it were
so. The love of money is the root of all evil, says the
Bible. It might as easily have said that money is the
evil at the root of love. Money is the principal cause
of marital discord, say marriage counsellors. Does it
have to be this way? Help protect your marriage from conflicts
over cash by getting the subject out into the open.
Here's something you should know
before launching into a discussion with your spouse:
women are better investors than men according to money
managers and a host of surveys on the subject. A 2002
US study by Oppenheimer Funds, for example, found that
women on average racked up gains that were 37% higher
than those of men; 47% higher if the value of the funds
was above $250,000. Another study suggested that when
markets fall, women are better at hanging in there:
34% sold stocks without waiting for a recovery, 51%
of men folded under the pressure.
Remember too that though the talk
may be about money, the underlying causes often have
to do with issues of control and security. Marital mediators
also cite the often unconscious attempt by spouses to
create financial conditions in their own marriages that
reflect the financial values they learned from their
parents.
"I never worry about money," says
a Winnipeg family physician in her 40s, "my husband
hardly worries about anything else." She credits her
father who was prudent but never hesitated to spend
a dollar if he thought there was some pleasure in it
for him or the family. "He taught me money was like
a river," she explains. "It's important to keep it flowing."
TOGETHER
BUT SEPARATE
When this couple's marriage got into trouble over money
they turned to their accountant instead of a marriage
counsellor. He suggested something that can work for
any medical marriage: separate bank and investment accounts.
Joint accounts have a nice romantic ring to them, but
they don't work. In money matters privacy counts. That
way he or she may be a fool with money but at least
it's not your money.
The next thing he suggested was
that they establish a budget. A horrible word, yes,
but money managers are of one voice on the subject —
every couple needs one. That's where the accord ends.
Some financial advisors suggest that savings come out
of the first dollar you earn. The reasoning is that
if you don't set saving as a priority you'll never save
a dime. Others are more pragmatic. There's unanimity,
though, on the elements of any household budget. All
suggest you divide expenses into fixed (mortgage, hydro,
telephone, etc), essentials (food, clothing, transportation)
and non-essentials (entertainment, travel and so on).
Setting up a budget and reviewing it go a long way to
keeping flare ups at bay, but don't stop there.
The third element of marital money
management is to come to some agreement on your longterm
investment goals. If you're socking it away to send
the kids to college and he's got his heart set on a
boat you can live on when you retire, it's time to talk.
Communication is the key. Separate
accounts, a budget, accord on the family savings plan
and lots of discussion can set you free — financially
speaking.
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